It has been over a year (14 months and counting!) since I left Sovereign Grace Ministries and the church I attended that had been adopted in: Lifegate Ministries. What a journey this past year has been. Many of you have written to me privately, asking questions, offering encouragement to me, or just venting your own pain and grief over your church/religious experiences. Through it all – God has remained faithful to me, and I trust to you as well. Never before have I been filled with such faith, hope, love, and zeal for truth. And the catalyst was when I left SGM.
There are changes on the horizon for many of those who are thinking of leaving SGM, those who have recently left, and for those of us who have been out some time now. While the various websites that will offer those hurt by SGM some support and encouragement will come and go, what will remain is the truth (or at least the beginning of it) that is now available to everyone who looks for it.
The fact remains that the single most googled phrase with regard to SGM is “Sovereign Grace Ministries Cult” or a variation thereof. Just see what automatically pops up when you just type in Sovereign Grace Ministries in google.
SGM as a family of churches has lost control, credibility, and influence over a vast number of their members, potential members. SGM has certainly lost control of information by their PR machine to “twenty-something bloggers in their underwear” (Eric Simmons, that one silly statement you made has gotten SO much traction on the blogs- thanks for the fodder!). It’s these same bloggers Eric was ridiculing that have begun to bring down the empire of SGM by virtue of shining the light of truth on dark SGM practices.
Hmm..they must be wearing Superhero underoos to accomplish this…ahem..anyway…
In addition, those seeking information about SGM in order to consider adoption, are finding the truth with some deciding not to partner with (or should I say submit to?) SGM. That’s good news. Even if they decide to still join SGM, at least they do so with all information possible. Individuals are still free to choose as they will, and to join SGM is of course one of those choices.
Ironically, and as a side note, if these potential members are totally depraved and wicked, how can they trust that their decision to join SGM is a good one? Sorry, I digress once again…
Before November 2007, not a single negative comment was written about SGM or it’s practices on the internet. So when people like my former Senior Pastor said he “researched Sovereign Grace for five years” before asking to be adopted in to the family of churches was, at best, indicating incomplet research.
As a result of the stories being shared, the criticisms of SGM will be included in the decision-making process of anyone who seeks that information. Unfortunately, my former church did not have access to the information now available online. I imagine there are still some who will blindly accept what is offered to them, however, since not many people actually have the desire or courage to think for themselves.
Also unfortunately, because there are still so many “reformed big dogs” out there who are not speaking out against the abuses and authoritarianism of SGM, many will still be influenced by the doctrines of death that SGM proliferates. These doctrines of death can be found proliferated through the ever popular Sovereign Grace Music, the free mp3 downloads on their sites, and countless blogs where members of other denominations are coming into contact with SGM via – you guessed it – CJ’s ongoing relationships with reformed teachers such as RC Sproul, Mark Driscoll, Ligon Duncan, Mark Dever, Al Mohler, and others.
Until these men distance themselves from SGM, denounce their pracitces, and speak the truth, people will continue to be influenced to a large degree. That is sad. What many have asked is why don’t these men say something about the abuses? Well, that question doesn’t require a rocket scientist or seminary graduate to answer.
Let me ask you this way: if you lived in Salem during the Witch Trials and you witnessed a woman being drowned to death or burned at the stake because she was declared a witch, would you have said something? If you did object, it would be clear you disagreed with what was happening. And If you didn’t say or do anything? It would be assumed..what? That you AGREED with it.
Lack of courage or “it’s none of my business” is no excuse. These reformed teachers named above are just as guilty of the atrocities SGM is committing because they are remaining silent in the midst of spiritual abuse and tyranny. And the one big dog who contacted Jim over at the Refuge made it clear that he wants to remain anonymous. I’m sure he has his reasons, none of which I can respect.
Do these leaders in the Reformed community assume they are doing SGM survivors and refugees a favor by even privately acknowledging a problem exists within SGM?
Make no mistake: they do know SGM is having massive internal struggles with members and tithes leaving churches nationwide. Many ex-SGM members have written to them personally, and there is enough on the internet now that word is out – SGM has problems. Yet, still no public response from these men.
When the original Shepherding movement came to it’s full might in the 1970’s it was Pat Robertson who stepped forward and denounced the practices of the Ft. Lauderdale Five…that began the ball rolling, and the authoritarian abuses moved underground only to emerge later under different leadership and organizations.
Wonder if someone thought to write ol’ Pat about the resurgence of the Shepherding movement within Calvinistic circles and not just Charismatic ones? I bet he’d have the nerve to say what everyone else is too scared to say.
Seems here locally, parents whose chidren attend the school run by the SGM church are finding out more and more about Sovereign Grace Ministries. Naive me, I thought that the church’s affiliation with SGM would not really affect the school, which is one reason why I never made mention of the church name because the school is named after the church. I still thought the school was a good private school for children to attend. But now…
I ran into a mom at Wally World the other week. She asked me about the church since she thought I still attended it, and what Sovereign Grace Ministries was. Why would she ask me this? Because she said they had passed out this paper with the name Sovereign Grace Ministries on it and parents didn’t know what the organization was.
Some looked it up online. You can imagine what they found, given what I just said about the most googled phrase tied to SGM. And now some school parents are talking amongst themselves about the church itself being a cult. Well, that rumor has always been alive and kicking in this small town of 25,000. I grew up here, and remember well the stories being circulated about the church and school back in the late 80’s.
What would make these parents even suspect something was suddenly wrong with the church? Why would they assume it could be a cult? Well, the paper passed out that had referenced SGM on it must have had something that keyed them to the possibility.
What paper would cause your average small town church-going parent to suspect something was wrong with the church who sponsored the school? The Modesty Checklist. When it was handed out to the older girls, (and not the boys of course) plenty of people had a fit. Gee, I wonder why?
I never said one word about SGM, the local church being a cult, or what had happened to me during my time there. This woman was actually telling ME it might be a cult. I had to stifle my amusement, needless to say. Truth always does bear itself out.
I did, however, tell her my familiarity with the infamous Modesty Checklist for Women. She was disgusted by it like any non-legalistic woman would be. Eventually I told her I left the church long ago for the reasons she read about online, among others.
What I also interesting is that these parents and teachers with no knowledge of SGM prior to their relationship to the local school take it upon themselves to do more research into SGM than the average SGM church member did. Why?
Well, I am of the opinion it is because they have retained their desire and ability to think for themselves. When your middle school or high school daughter is handed an obviously legalistic Modesty Checklist, it gets your attention. But why didn’t it get the attention of the ladies in the church, including myself? By the time I realized how legalistic and judgmental the list was, I was on my way out the door.
So all this being said – I expect lots of changes to continue. Both here locally, and at all SGM churches across the nation. There has been plenty of organizational restructuring over the last two years in numerous churches: pastors suddenly being removed forlack of gifting, cancelled church plants, new church plants, recent PC grad pastors coming in to help shore up the control of the members, reinstatements of former pastors, strange new teachings from the pulpits about gossip and submission to leadership, and increased visits by regional leaders and apostles.
Throughout all of these developments, it is obvious SGM is trying to do damage control in response to the blogs, and make preemptive strikes to prevent further dissention and membership loss.
What does this mean for you and I? Well, for me it means nothing really. As Jim said over at the Refuge, SGM is boring. I’m no longer interested in the spin they have, and as John said at Spiritually Tyranny, SGM will never reform because they assume they OWN their members.
I don’t plan to talk much about SGM in the future here on my blog. I’ve said all I care to say. This blog was about sharing my personal story, which I did. I wanted to be able to go back and read my own words and see how I have changed along the way. And change I have. Naturally, the purpose of the blog must change as well.
I see the purpose in venting anger, and grieving loss when you have experienced spiritual abuse or been in an authoritarian church group. Yet I also see that many never move on from these stages simply because they lack the tools to do so.
I have been saying for months that until people begin examining their own beliefs, mindsets and what caused them to initially join, remain in, and eventually leave their respective situations, they will be doomed to repeat their disastrous behaviors. Our beliefs drive our actions, it is as simple and as complicated as that.
People who left SGM don’t want to hear that because when I focus on the individual, they hear “total depravity” and get defensive and assume I am talking about finding the sin in their own life. I’m not talking about sin. I’m talking about knowledge, understanding, and beliefs that drive our actions.
You can’t get out from under any behavior until you identify what is driving it. We have discussed ad nauseam what is wrong with SGM. But at some point, people, you have to move on. Endlessly discussing what is wrong with one piece of the picture doesn’t SOLVE the overall problem. Because it isn’t just about what SGM has done wrong. And if you think that, you’re naive.
Discussing what SGM does wrong does serve the initial purpose of helping you identify one aspect of the overall problem. You realize what you have believed and accepted as truth that was not truth at all, and resulted in your bondage, not your freedom. You get angry at this stage, really angry. My older posts will certainly show that. Then, you are able to identify what has been lost to you, and you finally grieve. It’s the grief process.
After getting angry, and grieving, you have to replace the lies with truth. This is where most people drop off. Because this is where the work comes in. It is not enough to simply identify where you exchange truth for a lie, you have to identify the truth you missed in the first place. This is the “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” process.
This is where you will be for the rest of your life. And it is on ongoing process of making choices that lead to life, and not death. You do this by having a knowledge of the truth in the first place. This is the journey ahead for each of us. This is the journey I am on. This is why I don’t want to talk about SGM anymore except brief references or examples.
I hope you choose to move forward on this journey of discovering truth and applying it to your own life. It is the most rewarding and exciting experience we have in life. Don’t miss out on it because you are still focused on being angry or being sad. There is a time for everything, and once you have done what you need to do to grieve, I hope you raise your head and press into Jesus.
So ask questions – whatever they may be, and wherever you find yourself at this point in your own journey. Expect answers. Seek out the truth. Stay on the journey, keep the faith. May God bless you and yours as you press on.
